Lost My Way in 2021
Talking my way out of this self-created labyrinth.
Today I actually caught up on h0p3, chame, sphygmus, alienmelon, sadness and so many of the others that I like to keep up with. It was so good to just have some time to read and focus on their lives and - to follow some of the links and music that they’ve posted.
I especially loved reading h0p3’s anonymous interactions on Omegle. I felt tempted to log on and do some chatting there. But I didn’t really know what to type into the box as an interest. Hypertext? Vaporwave? Maybe it would work.
My personal life has been in such upheaval since April. I’m now set up in a little card table in a basement. All my belongings are packed away in a storage unit. I’ve been granted a stalking injunction against a guy. This means I’ve been entirely dependant on the courts and the police. They’ve all been good people - but have been mostly useless in helping to solve the problem.
It was nice to represent myself. I just watched videos - watched other stalking injunction hearings and read up on the different forms. I got very used to the Certificate of Service form. (Things get so meta with that form - I swear I saw a Certificate for serving the Certificate of Service somewhere.)
But, in the end, I just don’t trust the police and the courts to fix the problems. I left a neighborhood that I really loved. I haven’t even said goodbye to Kathy. I just keep telling her, “we’ll see.”
I knew every house. The guy who plays the euphonium. The guy who walks with his weights swinging by his side. The Hindi couple who lost a baby. The tall guy who loves formula racing. The lady behind me with the beautiful garden. We never talked but we always smiled and nodded. I never turned on music out there because I wanted to enjoy her radio sounds.
It’s embarassing to slink off and leave them in the mess. I guess we are all really strangers. Everyone minds their own business. Even when things get crazy.
Digging upwards, to find some light.
I have been so buried that it’s been tough to make time for Fraidycat, Multiverse or the HrefHunts. I was so comfortable before - even I would forget that there was a real person under here.
It’s not that I think anyone is disappointed - even Weiwei, who is so helpful at every turn. But I am disappointed. I want to be doing all these things. Not sifting through hours of security footage or regrouting a bathroom. Searching for a place to live is insane right now.
But hey - my cup of water is full, the card table is holding up, and there is so much good stuff to go through - filling up the Web in the interim. I love the world.
